Of Wander and Wild: mindbodysoul

I’ve been doing a lot of self-reflection lately.

There was a day that came when I stopped writing.
I stopped taking photographs.
I stopped enjoying the little things.

I don’t know exactly when it happened. Maybe life started consuming me a little more, and somewhere along the way, I began putting those little joys aside.

It was only when I started going back through my old writings and photo snaps that I realised how much of myself I had forgotten.

That was me.

These little pieces of my life that I shared on social media weren’t just posts. They were snippets of my diary. Little moments that have already passed. Moments I thought I would always remember, but probably won’t.

So I’ve started unarchiving parts of my life.

Parts that brought me joy. Parts that reminded me of who I was before life got so loud.

And maybe this is me finding my way back to her, while still embracing the person I am becoming.

I want to notice things again.
I want to write them down.
I want to take the photograph.

The little moments.
The big ones.
And everything in between.

So I’m unarchiving more than old photographs.

I think I’m unarchiving myself.

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As I entered the garden

my eyes met

with an old man sitting on a concrete bench

under the Samaan tree.

'Sit for a while with me' he called out.

I walked towards him,

shifting my dress forward to sit.

'Do you ever take chances?' he asked.

I looked down at my hands clasping each-other.

Before I had the chance to respond

he told me about a lady he met while visiting his brother in Norway.

'From the moment our eyes met, I forgot how to breathe.'

At the time, he was engaged to a young nurse back home,

but always felt

that something was missing

until he met - her -

The sun peaking through the branches down at our shadows,

he pulls out his wallet from his grey trousers

and shows me photographs of their life together.

'I knew. I knew from that moment, she was the one I wanted to marry.'

'She's gorgeous....

but did you ever feel guilty having those feelings?'

With a soft chuckle and a silly grin on his face

making his deep laugh lines more prominent

he looks at me -

'Sweetheart' he said delicately. 'in life, we have many lovers - but only one soulmate. When their path aligns with yours, you will know & only then you would realize you can never be with anyone but them. You will do what you have to do, to have every day begin & end with them.'

I watched as his eyes teared up.

I dipped into my bag and pulled out an embroidered handkerchief my grandmother gave me

and handed it to him.

'Today would have been our 53rd Anniversary. I miss her everyday.

On evenings we would walk here just before sunset. She would sit where you are sitting and laugh for hours. Her laugh was one of the most beautiful sounds and she knew how it drove me wild. She knew, that every time she laughed I fell in love with her - over and over again.'

My words went silent as I slowly closed my eyes.

I then felt his fingers under my chin, gently lifting my face back up.

'Take chances, dear. Love as deeply and as wild as your soul knows how to and I promise you,

you will never regret one day.'

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At the crack of dawn

I used to wake up just to hear the birds sing

and watch the sunrise.

I would sit crossed legged

or lay on my stomach for hours

writing.

I was a dreamer,

fascinated about magic and fairies.

I would pour all my love onto

torn pages.

My pieces wouldn't be finished

for days

but I lived a magical life

and had a constant craving

to always write....

then one day,

for unknown reasons,

I stopped.

My universe changed,

I changed

and I lost my psyche.

This person,

this being I've become --

who is she?

I stopped myself.

No.

Take a deep breath,

it's time to find yourself again,

Firefly.

Months passed,

then years,

then one morning I woke up

and there she was.

Barechested,

wearing this black laced underwear

that ties to the side.

Her hair tucked up

in a messy bun

with amethyst studs adorning the lobes.

We stood staring at eachother.

Then my lips parted.

'Hello you. I've missed your soul. Welcome home.'

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There is something very silent about the way the ocean makes one feel.

Her currents -- it is as if all that we miss,

all that has become absent in life suddenly

for a brief moment

overflows in completeness.

How are we as these humans with silken skin,

bones that attach to create a body

be granted this amazing universe to live in?

Only a few hours until sunrise,

I sit on the porch overlooking the ocean.

I watch as early morning risers head down to the seashore

for a dip.

I grabbed a few slices of bread and sat under a pine tree.

Surrounded by fallen needles and baby pinecones,

I pick at the slices and threw them for the birds.

As I do, I close my eyes.

There truly isn't anything more beautiful and peaceful

than awaking before everyone

closing ones eyes

and listening to the silence,

the soft melody of songs from the different birds above

and the ocean

as the waves gently kiss the shoreline.

Mourning doves fly down from the towering pines and sit at my feet

beautiful in their own unique way

and ever so often

one perfect brown pigeon joins the bevy

as they feast on snippets of bread.

For days this became my morning ritual.

On evenings, I would amble the pathways by the craft huts

choose unique art pieces for my home

and purchase fruits from vendors.

When the sun wasn't so torrid,

you would find me

floating in her aquamarine waters

or laying out on the sand

grabbing hold of the grains between my toes

until sundown.

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I have a memory, very vague,

of my parents taking my siblings and myself on a road trip --

through dark winding roads in the middle of the night to a beach on the North East coast to look at 65 million year old dinosaurs.

Alongside my brother, we stood there.

Sand covered toes, my little tummy upset from the drive, we watched in amazement these magnificent mammals emerging from the dark vastness onto the sand.

Using their back fins to dig deep holes to lay their eggs they fall into a trance.

Afterwards,

they camouflage their nesting grounds with a wander-about dance.

For a kid,
it was an unbelievable sight and experience.....

and now as an adult,

it still takes my breath away.

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These majestic dinosaur mammals are Leatheback Turtles.

Unfortunately due to poachers and non-protected beaches,

they have become endangered.

In a clutch of offspings, maybe one will survive.

Survive being pried out of their shell by vultures,

survive being eaten by crabs,

dug up by dogs,

stolen by humans.

And even at sea,

predators lurk,

fishing nets,

frigatebirds.

They travel millions and millions of miles all over the world,

but they always return

to this little island tucked away in the Lesser Antilles,

where they were nested,

perhaps even,

to this beach,

or another nearby,

but

they never forget where they came from.

How heartfelt is that?

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You taught me to delight in life.

You taught me to embrace destiny,

take chances,

to dream big,

to give selflessly,

to love unconditionally.

With the dawn tide, soft waves enfold onto the sandy coastal strand,

you,

bare-chested & barefoot,

walk down the concrete path to the ocean.

As I stand behind braving the icy cold,

you immersed yourself,

calling me in,

I nodded.

Dipping your head backwards into the sea,

soaking your already thinning hair,

you laughter fills the bay.

As you raised back up,

the water,

trickling through your brows,

over your hazel and honey eyes,

as it trails down the sides of your face to your chin -

forming crystal beads at the tip,

little droplets fall daringly into the ocean.

In that moment,

the tiniest of fish surround your body.

Some nibble on your toes

whilst some take guard.

I walk to where the water kissed the shoreline.

Wetting my toes as they sink with the surf

Slowly meeting you.

We spoke as we floated.

Our ears submerged beneath the surface,

listening to the grains of sand dance on the ocean's ballroom floor.

Listening to the humming of the depths,

listening to what our hearts felt .

In that moment,

we never spoke of death.

of what life would be like

without each other.

The morning you passed

my life shattered.

The pain I felt then still lingers today.

I still wake between sleeps thinking of you...

mostly your eyes,

and how they glistened so bright.

For you,

I still make it at least once down to the ocean

for a 5 am dip.

And when I see those little fish,

I think of you,

as if you are there with me.

As you are always

forever in my heart,

My Papa.

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I have fallen in love with waking up the same hour as the birds do.

As I sit in the porch, my legs outstretched on the ledge, I watch

as the sky turn from deep blue to a purple shade.

In the silence,

I listen to the melody before it becomes hummed out by the sound of tires on the wet pitch.

On this morning, I made my way through the hills and tucked away valleys to the Green Meadows - Green Market.

As I amble the stone-way paths, my senses awaken.

With the earth still a little damp from the early morning dew, the sound of soft chatter from other market-goers enjoying themselves as they indulged in Local cuisine & Venezuelan Empanadas lingered across the Market.

To the outskirts, small stalls of market vendors selling local produce lay in a row.
From Pineapples to Mangoes, Sweet Potatoes to Bananas, Cocoa to Herbal plants, it was quite hard to resist purchasing everything.

Yet,
hidden in between all that the Market offers
lies natures blessings & beauty.

If you looked,
you would noticed that the verdure had thickened
and the wooden Merry Go Round faded into the background.
Brilliant delicate orchids that were enfolded between the plants had perked up,
craving to be photographed.
Above,
a bright blue and green hummingbird darting,
feeding,
back and forth,
flower to flower.

If you only looked.
♡

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